a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
