Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Pooping to opera.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
