Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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