He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Barsexuality is the new black.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
