and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
