I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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