I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hippo gnu deer
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
