apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
