K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
