Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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