I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
