dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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