It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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