there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im holly from the hills drunk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
