ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
