someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
