I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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