That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize