4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
