mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
