Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
