pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
