so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
