Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If that was your dad, he is hot
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
