If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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