It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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