did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
