hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
