"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
