One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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