Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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