Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
