farters have to be the big spoon...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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