Sober January is a disaster.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
