I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
