I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
