He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
