If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
