we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
