But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
