theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
