Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize