Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
