thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
