i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
