Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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