We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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