my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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