Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
