if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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