she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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