It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
