Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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