u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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