I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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