Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
