the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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