He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
