i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize