What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think my vagina is haunted
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
