this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm like, not good at living.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize