He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
