I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
