Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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