I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
