I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
