The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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