i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize