his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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