I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
