So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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