I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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