ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
