Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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