weddingsv make me drug and hornr
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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