yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
