yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
