So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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