I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
