you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
