I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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