dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
