Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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