My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
