I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
