I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
