Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
