so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize