My room smells like vodka and shame
even my farts smell like vagina
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
