My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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