I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
