The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
