My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
