i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
