I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize