Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
