Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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