Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Operation Purity has been aborted
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
