need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
