My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
