My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
