Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize