Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize