Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
