Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
