Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
