sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
