We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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